The nature of your sexual passion matters because it signals how you’re relating to sex. Is sex something that you’re able to embrace and choose for yourself and something that’s well-integrated into the other parts of your life?
Both people with obsessive sexual passion and those with harmonious sexual passion reported having a ton of sexual engagement—they wanted a lot of sex very frequently, tended to actually have a lot of sex and tended to have a greater number of sex partners. But the outcomes of all that sex were very different.
“If you have OSP, this means that you can expect that your sexuality will be conflicting in your life and will bring negative consequences (intrusive sex thoughts, difficulties to engage in long-term relationships, dissolution of the relationship, unfaithfulness in expected monogamous relationships). If you have HSP, this means that your sexuality will nourish your life and your relationships,” Philippe tells mbg.
If you’re wondering which one you have, Philippe says one clear way to tell is how authentic your sexual passion is to you.
“For instance, they will be sexually attracted by people who correspond to their own personal preferences rather than to those of social standards (e.g., being thin, tall, and physically fit), they will dress according to their own taste rather than according to socially prescribed norms, or they will engage in sexual activities according to what they personally consider pleasurable and enjoyable rather than according to social expectations,” he explains.
Sex can bring a lot of positive into people’s lives—a greater understanding of one’s self, a sense of agency and empowerment, a stronger relationship with one’s body, and a deeper connection with the people in your life (whether you have romantic feelings for them or not). At the same time, it’s OK to not want sex in your life sometimes. And it’s OK to enjoy sex in ways outside what we’re societally prescribed.
It’s worth spending some time reflecting on your relationship to sex, even if you’re someone who loves it. Is sex something you pursue because it adds value to your life or because it’s something you’ve been told you need? Do you pursue it in ways you’ve been told are the “right way” or “sexiest way” to do it, or in ways that feel truly authentic to you?
