The institution of marriage is never a bed of roses. While there may have been so many hiccups, misunderstandings and practical problems during the course of your married life, they are just nothing when compared to finding out that your partner has cheated (on) you. Among other things, it is dealing with the betrayal of trust that takes an emotional toll, most likely leaving you infuriated, probably guilty, shamed and devastated. Even you may not be able to describe the mix of feelings in exact terms.
Though your reaction is fully justified, do not let your emotions cloud your reason for long as you’ll need to sort out this problem as quickly and painlessly as possible. Here are few tips that can help you deal with this tricky situation.
Come to terms with reality
If you have compelling proof to believe that your spouse is cheating on you, do not try to brush away the truth or try to justify the situation. The better alternative is to accept the fact and vent your emotions suitably. It is okay to let out a scream, rant or even cry as you are definitely bound to be hurt. Once your initial reactions/reflexes are out of the way, you will be able to think clearly and practically as well. This may take a while, but is the way forward.
Share your thoughts with a close confidante
Having overcome the initial shock of betrayal, it is important for you to share your thoughts and feelings with people who are close and trustworthy – obviously your immediate family or friend(s). Remember, more the number of confidantes, more the suggestions and chaos, hence be selective when seeking support/advise. Do not however jump to conclusions or make irrational decisions. Be open to inputs from your loved ones, but take enough and more time to sort out your life.
Ascertain your suspicion
If you are reacting or getting anxious purely based your instincts or notable changes in behavior/ activities of your spouse, it is better to first find out the reason behind such changes before you reach any conclusions. You can avail the services of a private investigator to clear your suspicions. Any local detective can help in these matters. If you reside in Delhi or in the neighborhood, you can hire a trustworthy and reputed private detective in Delhi to spy on your spouse to check if you suspicions are indeed true.
Do not act revengeful
Despite feeling embarrassed, angry, hurt and let down, try not to retaliate or inflict pain in anyway. Remember that going separate ways may not always be necessary, if there has been just a misunderstanding or you choose to forgive your spouse, however difficult that may be! You may regret your behavior later as it may not help to resolve or tide over the problem, and can probably work against you.
Do not feel guilty
While it may be necessary for you to understand the reason behind the unfaithfulness of your spouse to know what went wrong, you have no cause to feel guilty. The blame game, however, is not going to get you anywhere, whether you blame your spouse or yourself. Your partner has chosen to betray your trust for which you are not responsible.
Stay healthy and focused
It is but natural for you to skip your daily routine, meals, medication,sleep and a host of other things during this period. Never take it too far, for you’ll only be ruining your health and ability to think clearly. Mourning over the lost relationship is one way of getting through this emotional turmoil, but you will have to take good care of yourself to face what’s in store. This is all the more important if you have your kids living with you.
Leave your kids out of the mess
The situation gets trickier when you have young children at home. Your high anxiety levels and emotional reactions are bound to be noticed by the kids and you will have to convince them that there is no cause for concern until you decide how to tackle this matter. Even if your children are young adults, you may want to take your time and break the news without getting emotional.
Consider further course of action
Eventually, you might have to decide on the further course of action. You may choose to separate from your spouse and file for a divorce if your marriage cannot be saved. You could also forgive your spouse and give the marriage another chance though the same levels of trust and love may difficult to express. If undecided, you also have a choice of attending counselling sessions to find out if you still have a chance to be together and both of you are willing to be still married.When filing for a divorce, you must be able to prove the infidelity of your spouse beyond doubt to get a judgement in your favor. Your local private detective in Delhi or the place of your residence can work with your divorce attorneys to gather and furnish legally admissible evidence to back your case in court.
Actually, there are several contexts or situations that can be labelled as cheating/infidelity – adultery, affairs, flirtations etc. People also tend to overstep their limits when they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Do take time to discuss the issue with your spouse and make an attempt to understand what went wrong before deciding on the future of your marriage life!
